Orthodontists and dentists and doctors, oh my!

I have 4 kids and they see the dentist twice a year.  One of them sees the orthodontist every 6 weeks.  They all see the doctor once or twice a year and one had a series of therapists and psychiatrists for a 2 year period.  That's an average of 6.7 appoints per kid per year, or 26.8 appointments per year.  I have to schedule the appointments around my teaching schedule, their school activities and never during PE or lunch but anytime during math or algebra.  Thanks to my iPhone that I have had for the past 4 years I no longer have to read the outdated Parents, People or Orthodontics Today magazines. 

Chris Rock once said his main job as a father is to keep his daughters off the pole (a stripper pole for those of you not in the know), well I have a slightly longer list:  they should graduate from high school OR get their GED to enter college or the military earlier than expected; they need to have more real teeth than caps and fillings in their mouth when they finally move out (I hope this comes between the ages of 18 and 24); they should not become pregnant or impregnate someone before the age of 25 (I may make an exception if they have a job and a degree at 23 or 24 and do not live with me anymore); they need to know how to do a decent internet search and avoid identity theft online; they should know the difference between a sound business plan and a pyramid scheme; they should also know never to refinance their house except for home repairs or improvements and to never sign a 30 year mortgage (15 or 20 years at the most); they should know never to buy a car new and they should always have full coverage; they should leave a place better than when they got there (that gem comes from my mom); they should take care of their bodies inside and out because where are they going to live if they don't? (that nugget came from my dad the PE teacher); and stay off the pole.

So it seems I have my work cut out for me.  During those car trips to all the various appointments me and the kids have a lot to talk about.  I'm thinking about having Summer cram sessions and testing them every 3 years to monitor their progress.  My oldest needs a ride to her college writing class tomorrow, so maybe we should review the mortgage stuff while we go through the Starbucks drive-thru to get our morning coffee.  What do you want for your kids before they fly the coop?