Many moons ago, when I was an assistant speech & debate coach at Portland State University, I had a student say that as a coach I was not being very nurturing (I was seen as the 'mom' coach that had kids, made sure the debate team had healthy snacks and always had tape, glue or scissors for visual aid emergencies). I had just advised him that his half-assed attempt at an argument would not win a debate even if his opponent was a giraffe. He was a very good speaker and debater and at this point in the season he was getting a little cocky and also a little lazy with his arguments. To help him be a better debater I needed to call him out on this one. I told him my job was to help him grow and that he should look up the definition of nurturing, because I was pretty darn sure it didn't say inflate their egos or avoid accurately criticizing their performance fearing that you might break their fragile spirit. By the way, the definition of nurturing from Merriam Websters is: 1) to supply with nourishment, 2) educate, and 3) to further the development of. He went on to win regionals in several events including debate and we took him to the national tournament.
I think I am a very nurturing parent. I provide for my children's needs but I also try not to do things for them that they can do for themselves. I will high-five a kid for a perfect spelling test and question how prepared they were when they only get 70% correct. I am by no means a Tiger mom. Maybe you are familiar with the term and recent book published by an Asian-American mom who pushes her girls to be superior in all areas (such as performing at Carnegie Hall). I want my kids to excel at things they are good at and things they enjoy, but they will have a lot to do with choosing those activities. I believe in exposing them to opportunities and holding them to their commitments of taking classes or being on a team. Am I sad that I only have one kid left who plays soccer? Of course I am a little sad, but I know they benefited from their soccer experiences, we had time together as player and coach, and they know mom is still the best soccer player in the family.
I look at parenting and coaching very similarly. There can only be one 'best' anything. We can't all have children talented enough to play at Carnegie Hall or smart enough to win the national spelling bee, its statistically impossible. I want my kids to try and be the best but I want them to know the odds and to still enjoy an activity and the journey, even if they are the worst. Over 70% of us parents will have average kids and I think average is great. Average people everyday build houses, make bread, heal the sick, and get coffee for my favorite movie producer. Average people make the world go around. I am not suggesting we squash dreams or tell our kids they can't do something they set their mind to, but be honest with them and yourself about what it will take for them to achieve those goals. Nourish their bodies and minds, educate them as best you can, and further their development with a good work ethic, respect for others, and that they should play to their strengths. You want nurturing? I'll show you nurturing. Eat your vegetables, read this book, and sign up for art classes because you are very creative and great at sketching freehand:-)
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