Life's A Journey

It's been a busy Summer and not all of it sun and fun.  I moved a household of 7 people, 2 dogs and a cat halfway across town to give everyone some breathing room, but we are still surrounded by boxes.  I know many of you can relate that you almost need to take a vacation just to get everything figured out in a new home.  I still am not sure which cupboard I should put the glasses in or which counter the toaster should be on! 

A new home is a good opportunity to start new habits.  I am putting the boys to work with new Swiffer vacs and mops, set up a system for garbage and recycling, and established new rules for leaving shoes and bags in the living room...you don't!  We now have television free study areas and enough computers that no one has to share.  Not that sharing isn't an important life skill, but I have less computer coordinating to do now and can squeeze in a game of Zuma's Revenge every once in a while.

I have moved more times in the last 3 years than I think a person should to maintain their sanity, but each move was done with purpose and my family's well being in mind.  Each move provided us with a new opportunity to maintain relationships with friends, shorten commute times, or allowed us to walk and bike more places, and I don't think I could have done it differently or better.  We all learned more about ourselves; what we are willing to sacrifice and what we are willing to work hard to get keep.  Everyone has a bike and uses them for fun, errands and commuting to work or school.  We are lucky to live in a bike friendly town. 

This may not be my last move of my lifetime...actually I'm pretty sure its not...but its the last one for a while.  So unless I win the lottery, you can find me right here mowing the lawn or biking to the nearby farmer's market.  Dorothy said it best, "there's no place like home."   Now where should I put the fake Ficus?

Women Rule: Or At Least We Should

I read the articles about the young mom on the cover of Time breastfeeding her toddler.  I am aware of the controversy surrounding health care and some organizations objecting to having to provide birth control.  I remember what journalists said about Hilary and Sarah during the last election.  To me its all the same, they are attacks on women's power and freedom.  In the last election 70 million women voted in the US and only 60 million men.  We could control the outcome of future elections...if we decided to.  Breastfeeding is natural and no one complains when an aboriginal woman nurses a toddler in a Nat Geo program.  The US has convinced us all that women's bodies are sex objects and this is why many were startled by the image on the cover of Time.  Had she been an older overweight woman, and more matronly looking, would we have been as outraged?  I doubt it.  I find it outrageous that someone who has never been on birth control and will probably never need it, men, are the ones telling women what to do and how to do it.  They are convinced that college women only want birth control to have lots of premarital sex without the consequences of pregnancy and disease.  The amount of sex, or lack of sex, or other reasons for wanting birth control is none of their business.  Supposedly we have a separation of church and state, this should also apply to health care. They said Hilary was old and not pretty enough whereas Sarah was too pretty and not smart enough.  We can't win for losing can we?  McCain didn't receive comments about being too chunky to be president.  Have you seen how gray Obama has gotten lately?  No one focuses on that and only that. 

I fix my own plumbing. I mow my own lawn.  I do my own taxes.  I carry 50 lb bags of rice and dog food to the car.  I carry children to bed weighing 85 lbs.  I painted my house, twice.  I cook dinner everyday for 6+ people.  I do 2 loads of laundry almost everyday.  I work late after the kids have gone to bed and I get up before everyone else.  I make my own jewelry.  I wash my own car.  I know what the problem is, men are afraid of women. (There are always exceptions to the rule, but I have met few.) They know we do not really need them as much as they would like us to.  They should be afraid.  Once I get all the women to see how powerful and important they all are... we will rule the world. 

Mother's Day, More than a Holiday

Tomorrow is the one holiday I think the whole world can get behind and see just how alike we all are.  Its no wonder that the early beginnings of Mother's Day in America started as acts of pacifism against war.  Every mother hurts when a soldier, son or daughter dies.  I would argue motherhood is the oldest profession in the world and not prostitution, but if you disagree, we can have a hearty debate about it some other time.  Tomorrow we celebrate women who have given birth to the next generation.  We honor their sacrifices, praise their achievements and forgive their shortcomings. However you choose to celebrate this day with your mother, and other mother's in your life, its not about how much money you spend on a gift (I got my mom a new blender with a glass pitcher...a practical but exactly what she wants and needs), its about letting the moms of the world know that you haven't taken them for granted.

As a  mom I make sure the kids eat first, then I serve myself.  In some parts of the world this same strategy is used, except there is not always food left for mom.  As a mom I have forgone buying myself new things like shoes or books to make sure I had enough money to get birthday presents or school supplies.  Some mothers work all day away from their children to have enough money to send their children to a neighboring city to attend school, in hopes that someday they will not have to work so hard for the same things.  As a mom I have gone without sleep many nights looking after a sick child, consoling them after a nightmare, or pacing at a window wondering when they were coming home.  Some mothers fear for their childrens' safety every night and walk for hours a day to take them somewhere safe.  My sacrifices seem insignificant compared to many others. 

I chose to have children and take full responsibility for their care.  Its a hard job.  We don't get paid vacation or health benefits, and good luck finding a replacement if you need time off.  Not every woman is cut out to be a mom and some do not figure that out until after they have become one.  I have seen other animals shun or even kill members of their packs or herds if they are poor mothers.  maybe they fail to protect their offspring or it seems their natural instincts to nurture and feed their young never got switched on, but whatever it is the others can sense it and see her as dead weight.  I would like to think as the most intelligent form of life on the planet, that we know of, that we could do a little better. 

Can you think of a way for us to help the mothers who maybe started their journey too soon?  What about the moms who lacked a good mothering role model and seem to be winging it the best they can?  There are moms who have suffered tragedies, moms who have had cancer,  mothers who were beaten, and moms who have lost a child.  I hope on Monday, after we have taken the  time to honor our own mothers, we can turn our energy towards helping other moms here and abroad.  I think I will start right now with a text message to my best friend.  She needs to hear how awesome she is as a mom; all moms want to hear that, so she will hear it from me. Now on Monday who knows what I will come up with: Ronald McDonald house helps families stay close when kids are sick, or I could visit the Women for Women in Africa website to see what I can do for them, or maybe I'll donate needed items to a local women's shelter (like toys for the kids and clothes for the women who sometimes leave in the middle of the night with nothing).  I'm sure you'll think of something brilliant, because moms are some of the msartest people I know.  Happy Mother's Day.

Why are there no clean towels? Didn't I just do laundry?

No one ever said parenthood was sunshine and lollipops, but they also forget to tell you how much laundry you will do and how many pairs of shoes you'll buy.  Its been a busy week of keeping everyone in clean clothes, well fed, well groomed and on top of their homework.  With four kids living at home and all of them in school I never have enough pencils or college ruled paper.  I can only ever find wide ruled...I swear I bought extra college ruled last Fall.  Kalani went to the dentist 3 times because once I forgot the space maintainer they needed to put back in, then the dentist forgot to take off a band and we still have to go back again next week for the new spacer to be put in.  All of the boys got haircuts and Kian showed me the bottom of his red Chuck's and they have worn completely through on the bottom.  Have you tried to follow the directions on a fifth grader's homework lately?  The concepts they need to know are simple enough, but the directions do not always make sense.  Most people would agree that I am pretty smart, so if I can't figure out what they are supposed to do...how is an eleven year old going to know?  (My eleven year old happens to be a perfectionist and hard on himself, so when the two of us get stumped he gets very frustrated.) 

It seems as soon as I solve one problem, like making sure everyone has socks for the next morning, another one pops up.  Where's my iPod?  Has anyone seen my folder?  I need a cold lunch tomorrow because we have a field trip (actually I am hardly ever warned the night before about these things and I am forced to squeeze a trip to the store for lunch supplies into our morning routine).  Do we have any Scotch tape?  I need more lunch money.  Do you have a black Sharpie, mom?  The printer is out of ink and my report is due tomorrow.  I think you get the picture :-) Parents perform small miracles everyday and sometimes we get frustrated or we're convinced we are not good enough.  I doubt myself, my choices, but then I realize the only reason I do these things is because I want to do a good job...I care about doing my best.  I take my frustration out on the bathtub.  That's a win-win situation:  I feel better and the tub is spotless.  Then I take a long hot bath and watch Hulu on my Nook.  Now I'm ready to try this parenting thing again.  We have eye doctor appointments next week and more dentist appointments in two weeks, then check-ups with the pediatrician this Summer.  I need to pick up tape, college ruled paper and triple A batteries tomorrow and this weekend Kian will need some new shoes. 

My reward for all my hard work as the CEO, CFO and COO of this family is when my son gives me a hug and a kiss before school and says 'I love you.'  My reward is when another son climbs into my bed in the morning with 30 minutes left before the alarm.  My reward is when the other son brings up his grades in school with a little hard work.  My reward is when I see someone has posted a video of my daughter singing and playing the ukulele.  I wouldn't mind an Exxon size bonus, but that is not going to happen unless I win the lottery, so I take what I can get.  What's your reward?

Orthodontists and dentists and doctors, oh my!

I have 4 kids and they see the dentist twice a year.  One of them sees the orthodontist every 6 weeks.  They all see the doctor once or twice a year and one had a series of therapists and psychiatrists for a 2 year period.  That's an average of 6.7 appoints per kid per year, or 26.8 appointments per year.  I have to schedule the appointments around my teaching schedule, their school activities and never during PE or lunch but anytime during math or algebra.  Thanks to my iPhone that I have had for the past 4 years I no longer have to read the outdated Parents, People or Orthodontics Today magazines. 

Chris Rock once said his main job as a father is to keep his daughters off the pole (a stripper pole for those of you not in the know), well I have a slightly longer list:  they should graduate from high school OR get their GED to enter college or the military earlier than expected; they need to have more real teeth than caps and fillings in their mouth when they finally move out (I hope this comes between the ages of 18 and 24); they should not become pregnant or impregnate someone before the age of 25 (I may make an exception if they have a job and a degree at 23 or 24 and do not live with me anymore); they need to know how to do a decent internet search and avoid identity theft online; they should know the difference between a sound business plan and a pyramid scheme; they should also know never to refinance their house except for home repairs or improvements and to never sign a 30 year mortgage (15 or 20 years at the most); they should know never to buy a car new and they should always have full coverage; they should leave a place better than when they got there (that gem comes from my mom); they should take care of their bodies inside and out because where are they going to live if they don't? (that nugget came from my dad the PE teacher); and stay off the pole.

So it seems I have my work cut out for me.  During those car trips to all the various appointments me and the kids have a lot to talk about.  I'm thinking about having Summer cram sessions and testing them every 3 years to monitor their progress.  My oldest needs a ride to her college writing class tomorrow, so maybe we should review the mortgage stuff while we go through the Starbucks drive-thru to get our morning coffee.  What do you want for your kids before they fly the coop?

Me? Not nurturing? No way!

Many moons ago, when I was an assistant speech & debate coach at Portland State University, I had a student say that as a coach I was not being very nurturing (I was seen as the 'mom' coach that had kids, made sure the debate team had healthy snacks and always had tape, glue or scissors for visual aid emergencies).  I had just advised him that his half-assed attempt at an argument would not win a debate even if his opponent was a giraffe.  He was a very good speaker and debater and at this point in the season he was getting a little cocky and also a little lazy with his arguments.  To help him be a better debater I needed to call him out on this one.  I told him my job was to help him grow and that he should look up the definition of nurturing, because I was pretty darn sure it didn't say inflate their egos or avoid accurately criticizing their performance fearing that you might break their fragile spirit.  By the way, the definition of nurturing from Merriam Websters is: 1) to supply with nourishment, 2) educate, and 3) to further the development of. He went on to win regionals in several events including debate and we took him to the national tournament.

I think I am a very nurturing parent.  I provide for my children's needs but I also try not to do things for them that they can do for themselves.  I will high-five a kid for a perfect spelling test and question how prepared they were when they only get 70% correct.  I am by no means a Tiger mom.  Maybe you are familiar with the term and recent book published by an Asian-American mom who pushes her girls to be superior in all areas (such as performing at Carnegie Hall).  I want my kids to excel at things they are good at and things they enjoy, but they will have a lot to do with choosing those activities.  I believe in exposing them to opportunities and holding them to their commitments of taking classes or being on a team.  Am I sad that I only have one kid left who plays soccer?  Of course I am a little sad, but I know they benefited from their soccer experiences, we had time together as player and coach, and they know mom is still the best soccer player in the family. 

I look at parenting and coaching very similarly.  There can only be one 'best' anything.  We can't all have children talented enough to play at Carnegie Hall or smart enough to win the national spelling bee, its statistically impossible.  I want my kids to try and be the best but I want them to know the odds and to still enjoy an activity and the journey, even if they are the worst.  Over 70% of us parents will have average kids and I think average is great.  Average people everyday build houses, make bread, heal the sick, and get coffee for my favorite movie producer.  Average people make the world go around.  I am not suggesting we squash dreams or tell our kids they can't do something they set their mind to, but be honest with them and yourself about what it will take for them to achieve those goals.  Nourish their bodies and minds, educate them as best you can, and further their development with a good work ethic, respect for others, and that they should play to their strengths.  You want nurturing?  I'll show you nurturing.  Eat your vegetables, read this book, and sign up for art classes because you are very creative and great at sketching freehand:-)

It's All About the Smoothies

This morning my oldest son and I were sharing a strawberry, banana, soy yogurt and ground flax seed smoothie during our morning commute to his school.  He asked, "now that you have discovered the blender will we be having smoothies for dinner?"  That is not a bad idea with Summer around the corner.  I dug out the blender last week to make smoothies for my gluten & dairy free diet.  I made a few for the kids and they started requesting them in the morning, after school and for a late night snack (not all on the same day).  That's the beauty of the smoothie, they are easy to make and can suit any time of day.

Smoothies are an easy way to sneak healthy foods into your kids diets.  They don't know the flax seed is in the smoothie, they just think its pieces of the berries.  You can also smuggle some vegetables by them, but my kids actually like steamed broccoli, asparagus and green beans, so what I do want to get them to consume more of is cow's milk or one of the alternatives I will be using in my smoothies.  In a world full of fast food, 7-11's and aisles of junk food at the grocery store, its nice to know I can make something at home from quality ingredients and my kids will like it.  You can sneak in some wheat germ, spirulina or vitamin C, but the trick is to not over do it on the smoothies.  My kids like many others can easily get bored with the same choices, so finding new ingredients and combining them in different ways is key.  I have also found cool glasses, like the skinny ones used for Italian sodas, can make smoothies fun.  I have a pack of bendy straws handy as well.

Tomorrow morning I am off to the local farmers market to grab some new ingredients for this week's smoothies.  Maybe some kiwis, mangoes and definitely some bananas.  We have tried them with soy milk and soy yogurt, but I also want to try some almond milk or rice milk, and maybe that yogurt made from coconut milk.  So get out your blender and start dumping stuff in, but try not to add any sweeteners (table sugar, Splenda, Sweet 'N Low, and stevia to name a few).  Even stevia can mess with your metabolism, telling your brain some calories from sugar are coming, but there are none.  This often causes your body to send out too much insulin and its this process that has started many on their way to Type II diabetes.  Take it from someone who used to use sugar for a pick me up, but once I cut out the sugar (and yes that meant nothing in my morning coffee, which I am also cutting from my diet soon) I don't need sugar for an energy or mood boost.  Chop, grind and blend away!

Birth of a Blog

Hello, everyone.  This is my first blog entry and it has been a long time coming.  I first thought about writing a blog over a year ago, but then my responsibilities kept me from focusing on my blog.  I also suffer occasionally from perfectionism which keeps me from doing things until I feel I can do them...well perfectly.  I know that no one and nothing is perfect and I just need to get out of my own way and do what needs to be done. 

I have been trying to lose the baby weight for many years.  My oldest is 18 now so I have tried just about everything to regain what I once had, or more accurately lose what I didn't use to have;)  I am now going gluten, dairy and sugar free to see if resetting my metabolism is the key.  In the process I'm sure me and the kids will all develop better eating habits, discover new foods, and find new ways of preparing some old favorites.

Spring is a great time of year for me because the kids can play outside more (which means less noise and messes in the house, as well as less pent up energy when they come back inside).  Everyone pitches in to make the yard look good and we start eating snacks and meals out back.  The nicer weather also makes it easier for the boys to wash my car and enjoy doing it.  I walked to the post office and grocery store while my SUV sat in the driveway and one of the kids rode his skateboard to the store to get some water balloons. 

Spring is when things grow and it signals rebirth, so it is a fitting time for the blogging/writing part of my life to begin.  I hope you come back and visit my blog again, because who knows what crazy stuff I'll write about or what parenting issue we can toil over together.  I just know sometimes its nice to get another mom's perspective on all the stuff we have to deal with daily.  Now go get some iced tea and read a good book outside somewhere.