Any which way but sleep!

Its the end of Summer and part of me is relieved that the kids will be back in school, but that also means I have to get up earlier and make sure clothes are clean and lunches are packed.  I should probably start going to bed sooner, but then something won't get done.  I could choose not to do the dishes one night or maybe not grade papers, but then the next day there will be twice as much.  Some weeks I'm motivated to get it all done and find ways to be more efficient.  Its like completing another level of Jewel Mania with three stars when your last several attempts were only one or two stars.  As a parent I have one star days and I have three star days.  I definitely feel better when I do better, but my other responsibilities as a teacher and granddaughter, etc. make it hard to always have three star days.

I debate the choices I make as a parent daily:  should I let the boys crash on the couch or should I be making them sleep in their beds?  When school starts they know its back to their beds, but sleeping on the couch seems to represent Summer freedom.  We are growing some of our own food and raising chickens but its hard not to let the kids have Pop-Tarts and Slurpees.  My kids are actually great about eating fruits and vegetables and eat 99% of what I put in front of them.  I'm no Tiger mom and my kids will not play Carnegie Hall, but then many other children won't either.  It would be wrong to say that since your kids are average that means you are a bad parent.

Its late and I should try and get a little sleep before the day's activities get in full swing.  Let's shoot for a great day of average parenting!

Its been a few months since my last entry, but not for lack of something to write about.  Helping kids grow up can be as easy as getting out of their way and as hard as, well, as moving a mountain.  Lately I have been struggling with having to supervise or remind my teen and pre-teen to brush their teeth and go to bed at a decent hour.  If I act like a strict authoritarian mom I can supervise and threaten loss of privileges if they do not comply but that technique rarely leaves them in a good mood and leaves me longing for a better way.  I have tried the laissez-faire approach as well, letting them stay up as long as they like but waking them at the normal time in the morning, hoping their groggy state will be enough impetus to go to bed earlier next time.  It hardly ever works out like I hoped.  Most nights they get to bed at a decent hour and wake-up as expected. I myself stay up later than I should or want to, but as an adult I do what all normal adults do in this situation...go to Starbucks.  Only time will tell if my boys will figure out what is best for them and do it on their own accord, because I'm tired and do not have the energy to make them do it...at least not for the rest of the summer;)

Life's A Journey

It's been a busy Summer and not all of it sun and fun.  I moved a household of 7 people, 2 dogs and a cat halfway across town to give everyone some breathing room, but we are still surrounded by boxes.  I know many of you can relate that you almost need to take a vacation just to get everything figured out in a new home.  I still am not sure which cupboard I should put the glasses in or which counter the toaster should be on! 

A new home is a good opportunity to start new habits.  I am putting the boys to work with new Swiffer vacs and mops, set up a system for garbage and recycling, and established new rules for leaving shoes and bags in the living room...you don't!  We now have television free study areas and enough computers that no one has to share.  Not that sharing isn't an important life skill, but I have less computer coordinating to do now and can squeeze in a game of Zuma's Revenge every once in a while.

I have moved more times in the last 3 years than I think a person should to maintain their sanity, but each move was done with purpose and my family's well being in mind.  Each move provided us with a new opportunity to maintain relationships with friends, shorten commute times, or allowed us to walk and bike more places, and I don't think I could have done it differently or better.  We all learned more about ourselves; what we are willing to sacrifice and what we are willing to work hard to get keep.  Everyone has a bike and uses them for fun, errands and commuting to work or school.  We are lucky to live in a bike friendly town. 

This may not be my last move of my lifetime...actually I'm pretty sure its not...but its the last one for a while.  So unless I win the lottery, you can find me right here mowing the lawn or biking to the nearby farmer's market.  Dorothy said it best, "there's no place like home."   Now where should I put the fake Ficus?

Women Rule: Or At Least We Should

I read the articles about the young mom on the cover of Time breastfeeding her toddler.  I am aware of the controversy surrounding health care and some organizations objecting to having to provide birth control.  I remember what journalists said about Hilary and Sarah during the last election.  To me its all the same, they are attacks on women's power and freedom.  In the last election 70 million women voted in the US and only 60 million men.  We could control the outcome of future elections...if we decided to.  Breastfeeding is natural and no one complains when an aboriginal woman nurses a toddler in a Nat Geo program.  The US has convinced us all that women's bodies are sex objects and this is why many were startled by the image on the cover of Time.  Had she been an older overweight woman, and more matronly looking, would we have been as outraged?  I doubt it.  I find it outrageous that someone who has never been on birth control and will probably never need it, men, are the ones telling women what to do and how to do it.  They are convinced that college women only want birth control to have lots of premarital sex without the consequences of pregnancy and disease.  The amount of sex, or lack of sex, or other reasons for wanting birth control is none of their business.  Supposedly we have a separation of church and state, this should also apply to health care. They said Hilary was old and not pretty enough whereas Sarah was too pretty and not smart enough.  We can't win for losing can we?  McCain didn't receive comments about being too chunky to be president.  Have you seen how gray Obama has gotten lately?  No one focuses on that and only that. 

I fix my own plumbing. I mow my own lawn.  I do my own taxes.  I carry 50 lb bags of rice and dog food to the car.  I carry children to bed weighing 85 lbs.  I painted my house, twice.  I cook dinner everyday for 6+ people.  I do 2 loads of laundry almost everyday.  I work late after the kids have gone to bed and I get up before everyone else.  I make my own jewelry.  I wash my own car.  I know what the problem is, men are afraid of women. (There are always exceptions to the rule, but I have met few.) They know we do not really need them as much as they would like us to.  They should be afraid.  Once I get all the women to see how powerful and important they all are... we will rule the world. 

Mother's Day, More than a Holiday

Tomorrow is the one holiday I think the whole world can get behind and see just how alike we all are.  Its no wonder that the early beginnings of Mother's Day in America started as acts of pacifism against war.  Every mother hurts when a soldier, son or daughter dies.  I would argue motherhood is the oldest profession in the world and not prostitution, but if you disagree, we can have a hearty debate about it some other time.  Tomorrow we celebrate women who have given birth to the next generation.  We honor their sacrifices, praise their achievements and forgive their shortcomings. However you choose to celebrate this day with your mother, and other mother's in your life, its not about how much money you spend on a gift (I got my mom a new blender with a glass pitcher...a practical but exactly what she wants and needs), its about letting the moms of the world know that you haven't taken them for granted.

As a  mom I make sure the kids eat first, then I serve myself.  In some parts of the world this same strategy is used, except there is not always food left for mom.  As a mom I have forgone buying myself new things like shoes or books to make sure I had enough money to get birthday presents or school supplies.  Some mothers work all day away from their children to have enough money to send their children to a neighboring city to attend school, in hopes that someday they will not have to work so hard for the same things.  As a mom I have gone without sleep many nights looking after a sick child, consoling them after a nightmare, or pacing at a window wondering when they were coming home.  Some mothers fear for their childrens' safety every night and walk for hours a day to take them somewhere safe.  My sacrifices seem insignificant compared to many others. 

I chose to have children and take full responsibility for their care.  Its a hard job.  We don't get paid vacation or health benefits, and good luck finding a replacement if you need time off.  Not every woman is cut out to be a mom and some do not figure that out until after they have become one.  I have seen other animals shun or even kill members of their packs or herds if they are poor mothers.  maybe they fail to protect their offspring or it seems their natural instincts to nurture and feed their young never got switched on, but whatever it is the others can sense it and see her as dead weight.  I would like to think as the most intelligent form of life on the planet, that we know of, that we could do a little better. 

Can you think of a way for us to help the mothers who maybe started their journey too soon?  What about the moms who lacked a good mothering role model and seem to be winging it the best they can?  There are moms who have suffered tragedies, moms who have had cancer,  mothers who were beaten, and moms who have lost a child.  I hope on Monday, after we have taken the  time to honor our own mothers, we can turn our energy towards helping other moms here and abroad.  I think I will start right now with a text message to my best friend.  She needs to hear how awesome she is as a mom; all moms want to hear that, so she will hear it from me. Now on Monday who knows what I will come up with: Ronald McDonald house helps families stay close when kids are sick, or I could visit the Women for Women in Africa website to see what I can do for them, or maybe I'll donate needed items to a local women's shelter (like toys for the kids and clothes for the women who sometimes leave in the middle of the night with nothing).  I'm sure you'll think of something brilliant, because moms are some of the msartest people I know.  Happy Mother's Day.

Why are there no clean towels? Didn't I just do laundry?

No one ever said parenthood was sunshine and lollipops, but they also forget to tell you how much laundry you will do and how many pairs of shoes you'll buy.  Its been a busy week of keeping everyone in clean clothes, well fed, well groomed and on top of their homework.  With four kids living at home and all of them in school I never have enough pencils or college ruled paper.  I can only ever find wide ruled...I swear I bought extra college ruled last Fall.  Kalani went to the dentist 3 times because once I forgot the space maintainer they needed to put back in, then the dentist forgot to take off a band and we still have to go back again next week for the new spacer to be put in.  All of the boys got haircuts and Kian showed me the bottom of his red Chuck's and they have worn completely through on the bottom.  Have you tried to follow the directions on a fifth grader's homework lately?  The concepts they need to know are simple enough, but the directions do not always make sense.  Most people would agree that I am pretty smart, so if I can't figure out what they are supposed to do...how is an eleven year old going to know?  (My eleven year old happens to be a perfectionist and hard on himself, so when the two of us get stumped he gets very frustrated.) 

It seems as soon as I solve one problem, like making sure everyone has socks for the next morning, another one pops up.  Where's my iPod?  Has anyone seen my folder?  I need a cold lunch tomorrow because we have a field trip (actually I am hardly ever warned the night before about these things and I am forced to squeeze a trip to the store for lunch supplies into our morning routine).  Do we have any Scotch tape?  I need more lunch money.  Do you have a black Sharpie, mom?  The printer is out of ink and my report is due tomorrow.  I think you get the picture :-) Parents perform small miracles everyday and sometimes we get frustrated or we're convinced we are not good enough.  I doubt myself, my choices, but then I realize the only reason I do these things is because I want to do a good job...I care about doing my best.  I take my frustration out on the bathtub.  That's a win-win situation:  I feel better and the tub is spotless.  Then I take a long hot bath and watch Hulu on my Nook.  Now I'm ready to try this parenting thing again.  We have eye doctor appointments next week and more dentist appointments in two weeks, then check-ups with the pediatrician this Summer.  I need to pick up tape, college ruled paper and triple A batteries tomorrow and this weekend Kian will need some new shoes. 

My reward for all my hard work as the CEO, CFO and COO of this family is when my son gives me a hug and a kiss before school and says 'I love you.'  My reward is when another son climbs into my bed in the morning with 30 minutes left before the alarm.  My reward is when the other son brings up his grades in school with a little hard work.  My reward is when I see someone has posted a video of my daughter singing and playing the ukulele.  I wouldn't mind an Exxon size bonus, but that is not going to happen unless I win the lottery, so I take what I can get.  What's your reward?

Orthodontists and dentists and doctors, oh my!

I have 4 kids and they see the dentist twice a year.  One of them sees the orthodontist every 6 weeks.  They all see the doctor once or twice a year and one had a series of therapists and psychiatrists for a 2 year period.  That's an average of 6.7 appoints per kid per year, or 26.8 appointments per year.  I have to schedule the appointments around my teaching schedule, their school activities and never during PE or lunch but anytime during math or algebra.  Thanks to my iPhone that I have had for the past 4 years I no longer have to read the outdated Parents, People or Orthodontics Today magazines. 

Chris Rock once said his main job as a father is to keep his daughters off the pole (a stripper pole for those of you not in the know), well I have a slightly longer list:  they should graduate from high school OR get their GED to enter college or the military earlier than expected; they need to have more real teeth than caps and fillings in their mouth when they finally move out (I hope this comes between the ages of 18 and 24); they should not become pregnant or impregnate someone before the age of 25 (I may make an exception if they have a job and a degree at 23 or 24 and do not live with me anymore); they need to know how to do a decent internet search and avoid identity theft online; they should know the difference between a sound business plan and a pyramid scheme; they should also know never to refinance their house except for home repairs or improvements and to never sign a 30 year mortgage (15 or 20 years at the most); they should know never to buy a car new and they should always have full coverage; they should leave a place better than when they got there (that gem comes from my mom); they should take care of their bodies inside and out because where are they going to live if they don't? (that nugget came from my dad the PE teacher); and stay off the pole.

So it seems I have my work cut out for me.  During those car trips to all the various appointments me and the kids have a lot to talk about.  I'm thinking about having Summer cram sessions and testing them every 3 years to monitor their progress.  My oldest needs a ride to her college writing class tomorrow, so maybe we should review the mortgage stuff while we go through the Starbucks drive-thru to get our morning coffee.  What do you want for your kids before they fly the coop?